katekat1010

I have been an emotional spaz.  I actually had tears in my eyes last night during Obama's victory speech.  I am actually, against all of my cynical tendencies, filled with hope. 

On the way home from school today, listening to NPR, they had a 10-second or so quote from Pelosi where she said she'd be reintroducing a child-health care bill that Bush had vetoed with the hopes that Obama wouldn't and the lightbulb went off over my head.  Not that I expect Obama to change the whole world.  Or do everything the way I think he should.  On the other hand it was SUCH a mental relief to contemplate the President at least paying lip service to ideas I actually care about.  And possibly voting for things I agree with.  It was like some tension I hadn't even realized I'd been holding in was GONE.  I've literally cringed my way through 8 years of Texas Twang (and I'm sure others will agree with me that when you accidentally program your clock radio to wake you up with NPR in the morning, and they carry some presidential speach, it can ruin the entire day to wake up to Bush's voice declaring he's taking away more rights, or sending in more troops, or some other awful crap.)  It is an awesome thing to see an end to that ahead.

That being said I am now freaking out about how much work I have to do as the semester rolls inexorably forward.  Tomorrow night is the department's annual mixer and I'm debating with myself about going - on the one hand it's the one social event of the year for our entire department.  On the other I have grad school applications I haven't even started, a paper to write for my Lit Crit class, a translation analysis to work on, and a thesis to draft.  Tonight I've been in high gear reading The Scarlet Gang of Asakusa (Kawabata), Seji Lippitt's chapter on it from Topographies of Japanese Modernism, then trying to prep my presentation on Maeda Ai.

Truth be told I'm burned out tonight and going to take the evening off from this point forward.  South Park awaits.

I'm having these intense urges just to dig in stubbornly and do nothing.  It's my reaction to having too much to do, and not having enough time to do it.   And I'm conquering the urges, mostly, so it's not like it's the end of the world.

( however, my to do list )

Now that it's all out there I think I'm going to be ok.  I really do.  But wow.  It's all a matter of seeing what's on the list and getting it all done one by one.

And I don't think I mentioned it but the best part of going to the conference was that I figured out what texts I'm going to write my master's thesis on.  ( for the curious... like three people )

I did it!!!  Conference 1 = ROCK.  Unfortunately it also included six hours of driving getting to Huntsville and back, and I'm one tired monkey (well, tired from that and from all of the nervous excitement before and after).  But the presentation??  I was great!  (quote from my prof, not self-aggrandizement, promise)

( you want the more than one paragraph version )

We were very responsible pet people and took the stray kittens that decided our house was great to the animal shelter today - this way they at least have a chance at a good home, since we can't adopt any more pets and they deserved it - but it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time. 

My last goals today?  work on:
x gilesxander 's giles/xander fest postings
x roshomon translation
x abstract for the Thesis

I'm giving my first conference talk October 4th, and my second Oct 10th (yep, one week apart), and so our department is putting together a mock presentation for those of us who are giving talks ... a dry run of sorts ... this Wednesday.

What that means is, along with the Mom-visit, I've been frantically writing my talk paper and sending the drafts to my adviser for her comments.  The first one, as usual, she doubled the length of the paper with her comments.  But it was, in her words, a promising start (big sigh of relief there!).  When I worked on it Saturday I kind of lost the plot a little, and then had an intense hour-long session with D on Sunday where she let me bounce ideas off of her and helped me actually get to the frigging point (and made Sunday a lot, lot better).  I revised again today, and sent it off to my adviser.

I got her comments on this evening and....

SHE LIKED IT!!  Not only liked it, her words were actually, "I think this is really excellent."

This is not a woman who hands out the praise.  I actually jumped up and down.  This time her comments?  They're more like someone who actually got into my argument and was nodding along and getting excited than comments about how I need to fix things.  It gives me serious hope.

Getting sick is not productive.  And sure, you say, "I knew that already, trust me" but for me this last week has been an exercise in forced remembrance.  For a week I've felt as if I was pushing too hard trying to break through some invisible barrier of "behind" to get to the point where I'm ahead.

My rough draft of my conference paper was due today to my adviser (and if you count a draft without a conclusion I just sent it to her at 11:34 pm), translation of a page or so of text (of a fantastic little story called Hanabi [Fireworks] by Uchida Hyakken) was due in class Mon & Wed and it was a little painful to get through, along with the kanji quiz per day.  Plus I found myself taking an active role in the conference-from-hell planning, which meant I worked (probably too much) on things all last weekend while I still felt about 50%, then on sending emails.  Much needed relief came this afternoon when my grad seminar was canceled due to the hurricane (well, not due to the actual weather, but scheduling difficulties on the part of our prof) and while on the one hand I'm depressed that I didn't actually get the chance to prove i did the 200 or so pages of reading for this week's class, at least it's reading I won't have to re do next week.  And I worked on the paper.  And volunteered to co-chair the East Asian Studies graduate student stuff until I can get someone else to do it (which will be at some point, but right now it's monthly meetings -- and compared to the conference-from-hell monthly meetings are ... soooo far away).

the only way i've managed to be as productive as i have is through massive infusions of vitamins - a vita-C here, a double-boost jamba juice yesterday, b-monster Odwallas on tuesday and wednesday and m/w/f i've been a good little munchkin and had apple juice.  I don't think I've drunk this much juice this consistently since I was a kid.  Other than expensive, its not as bad as I remember it.

So this weekend?  I want to collapse.  Instead I need to get started on my abstract for my master's thesis.  Whew. 

OH, but about that?  has anyone ever heard of this movie [ tokyo gore police ] ... cuz i think it might work as a second text.  not cyberpunk though as far as i can tell (oh, and warning, the link is not for the faint of heart)

The Cyborg DB (from a UCSC class, haha), it has no content at the moment, but should be pretty interesting and worth looking at later.

And here's the Cyborgology 101 (from SJSU '06) that's got all kinds of academic sources on cyborgs and a nice little summary of Haraway too.

The IO9 "Where are my cybernetic implants" where they claim "Full disclosure - I'm a cyborg.  I wear corrective lenses and shoes that modify my feet appropriately for an urban evnironment.  It's not exactly Robocop, true, but according to the loosest definition, most of us already have a complicated relationship with technology blurring the line between "me" and "stuff"

i have been deeply amused today by the troll post on lkh_lashouts

i remembered to take a spoonful of b-complex today and WHOA it was actually wonderful having energy for a change - i feel like an an energy drink commercial without the crash - but I hope I can sleep.

i am appalled by Amy Goodwin's arrest and the fact that you can't even get a hit to Democracy Now! from Google news.  This story is BURIED, and it's really really creepy.  Makes me believe in the concept of a media conspiracy for sure.

i am reading about Mori Ogai.  And Maeda Ai.  And they are hawt.  Well, in an intellectual, modernist kind of way.

i got an email back from a tokyo cyberpunk prof I emailed!!!!  I'm like a fangirl in scholarly clothing.  In his last line he actually took my bait about looking for a Phd program and told me I should go there.  I'm trying to set my sights slightly higher, but hey, it's a fall back school in case my GRE scores are that crap.

i ran the stupid conference meeting today.  But at least we were done in about an hour and I didn't get so annoyed I couldn't stand anyone in the room... just mildly annoyed that they insisted on having the doughnuts vs. bagels debate during the damn meeting.  For 20 minutes.  Count them, 20.  Imagine how efficient it would have been if they could've, you know, not worried about which kind of pastries to have in the morning right in front of the rest of us.

i'm done.  lol.

first off, I had no idea this existed:

ISBNdb.com
Yep, for all of your ISBN searches.  It's slow, but ... it's there.  And I'm kind of stoked.  In a completely nerdy way.  So of course I immediately look for Japanese science fiction. 

( Now for the books )

first things first, elizabuffy and lilianvaldemyer (and any other Willow/Tara shippers on my flist) you should go check out this beautiful and heartrending W/T picspam by mouthfullofdust ... it goes through all of their time together through the whole show.

( second, it was my beloved's birthday!!  )

( third, school, oh you (planning, rants, annoyances) )

In my usual fantastic way I found out today that I start school tomorrow (instead of the time I thought - Friday).  Just in the nick of time!  Luckily I managed to hid my start of surprise since I was in a meeting for the class I'm TAing, trying to sound competent.  Hopefully I skidded just under their radar. 

( It is going to be an interesting semester )

Wow, when I write it all out ... it's not a small list.  And that's just the big stuff!

1.  wedding planning is fun.  Well, it's great fun since it's not my wedding and it's not my budget and i get to do the cool things like come up with ideas.  our friend's getting married in march, it's a 30 person deal, and it's going to be superfabulous in the most relaxed and fun ways.  Working a little bit on it yesterday reminded me how much I like event planning - it's all there and it all comes together right in front of you.

2.  ( thursday was the day of fabulous women mentors )

3.  last night was delightful and fantastic - celebrated mrtwstedwhsprs' birthday last night at the only goth club in town.  There was dancing, grinning, much talking, even more smoking, and ... just perfect.

4.  On Ian Condry's Hip-Hop Japan: Rap and the paths of cultural globallization ( is not as thrilling as it ought to be. )

5.  ( the to do list thus far today.... )

Nothing entertaining to see here. Nope, nothing, honestly.  A little dog watching, petting, scratching, brushing, feeding.  A little graphic making.  A little cat petting.  A little reading of things like the Cyborg Manefesto, Globalization in East Asia... retyping of syllabi, typing of translated Japanese, kanji review (although not enough of that).  Lots of refreshing of the friends list. 

Rewatching of Tetsuo: The Iron Man, and yes, it is still disconcerting and creepy and frightening and makes your nerves jangle.  But after this, my fourth? fifth? viewing, I'm finally to the point where I can seperate what they've done with what it's done to me, and start to ask how, and when, and where, and how they did it.  Still don't know why though.

There's a presentation waiting for me on Tuesday, and a paper waiting to be written for tomorrow.  Busy week, lots of energy trying to escape, what with having to go to trianing on Monday too.  And still I contemplate other things....

Speaking of, if you haven't taken it yet, and you're in the buffyverse fandom - PLEASE take my poll?  Pretty please?

Since I was curious just how many award sites seem to be active, going, or have gone and I knew about them, I put together the list below.  It's for my own edification, but if you're curious, here are links.

( all the BtvsAts Awards Sites I could find )

now back to the to-do list... and apparantly the Grammies are being watched as well.  Multitasking, I love you.

ETA: crap, I did this, but I forgot to put it up:


Get your own valentinr

Oh dear gods!  That was, without a doubt, a crazy-bouncy-friezied I-drank-all-together-way-too-much-coffee trip!  (And by trip, I mean the lead up to finals and then the finals themselves and then the *actual trip* to Sacramento and then the 12-hour grading day and everything else)

But I'm back!  And now I have a mile long to-do-list of things I'd left undone (because, of course, school takes priority over dirty dishes... and clean laundry, most of the time).  Including buying presents.  Once again it's like 8 days till christmas and I haven't done a single piece of shopping.

There's also an outbreak of headcold in our house, so I'm zycamming my way out of being sick (hopefully) and trying to clean at the same time.  I have such a sexy life.

( how i almost didn't have to take the japanese final )

( why you should never write a paper in sacramento )

( of christmas choirs, family gatherings, and ham )

( the last twelve hour day )

Now, after all that, I'm FREEEEEEE!  I was up until 5 last night, reading, for fun, because I could.  And I woke up at 1 today, refreshed, relieved, and ready to do dishes.  Frightening what rest will do to me.

I'm going to actually try to go to bed here in a minute, because for some reason I woke up this morning thinking it was Tuesday and that my mom was pulling into town the day after tomorrow. Finally, at about 6 pm, everyone realized my insanity and let me know it's Wednesday, and so I'm picking her up at the airport tomorrow. And nothing but the kitchen counters are clean. Thank god she doesn't really mind mess.

Among other inanities (becasue there were so many in terms of Bush's policy that I just can't even stand to speak about) I was appalled to hear the presedent of the US, folksy guy that he is, say that he wasn't trying to "diss" his staffer for giving him a cold while he was trying to run for election.  This is NOT the vernacular of his people.  I wanted to scream STOP!  STOP THE MADNESS!

Of course, I should've known it was a sign of things to come for the day.

You see, I'd created this fantastic little jeopardy game for the class I TA for.  It was the last day, and instead of doing a wrap up that might leave them teary eyed and even more tired than they already are, I thought, "Hey, let's do something fun!  Wouldn't that be great!?  And then they can get some extra credit to boot."

That was the wrong decision.  They were all so point hungry they turned into raving animals.  Do NOT TRY THIS THING AT HOME kiddies.  Or don't reward the winning team with extra credit, because they will cry foul play on eachother, howl to the rafters when you nix points because you accidentally skiped to the answer slide when they were answering, and complain complain complain that they're being missed, that they're under points, that they're... somehow being cheated of EXTRA CREDIT.  It was a circus of nightmare proportions.

The only good thing was that I still kind of had fun with it.  Honestly.  It's scary but true.

However, the sexy yummy tasty day didn't end there - oh no - today we got a presentation in our grad seminar from a woman who is so literal I actually compared her in my head to Bush this morning.  She's about that analytical too.  And we were reading this fantastically weird and wonderful story by a Japanese author named Edogawa Ranpo (it's a made up name based on the japanese pronounciation of Edgar Allan Poe).  First we got beat up by this guy who wants to be a professional translator (always fun having someone from outside your class just pick you apart) and then we had to listen to the most boring woman in the world present on the history of mystery writing in Japanese literature.

Now here's the thing: Edogawa is known as the king of Japanese mystery, it's true.  BUT, he was also a member of this awesome group in the 20's & 30's that wrote erotic-grotesque-nonsense (ero-guro-nansensu in the Japanese).  And THAT'S what this story was - a fantastic dream piece about changing bodies and frenetic dances and wandering in the woods of one's unconscious.  It had NOTHING to do with mystery writing at all.  So what does this woman's presentation focus on?  MYSTERY WRITING. 

It was frightening because I had to actually quell the impulse to bang my head on the conference room table.

However, the day is done.  I did manage in the last 15 minutes to slip in jouissance for the hell of it, so it wasn't a total loss.

Then I forgot where my car was parked and ended up walking around the entire school to get back to it because I'd walked to one parking lot on one side of the school, realized my mistake, then walked back to the other.  Inane, I tell you.

I think I've learned my lesson - no more presidential speaches in the morning.  It's just wrong.

so, turns out I have about two weeks left of class.  I'm shaking in my boots!  I did NOT realize how fast the end of the semester was rushing at me until today, when I sat down with my professor and we sketched out a general idea of what we'd be doing for each of the remaining classes we have to teach.  Oh dear gods. 

What am I doing tonight?  Taking a breather.  It's been an extremely long week, and I'm caught up with everything I wanted to do today, and I will find some way to pull all the stops out this weekend for sure. 

And since I was goofing around, there was this fantastic mini-blog flog over at lkh_lashouts by drho, who kindly allowed me to make icons of their rant...

so, if you are amused by LKH's blogs, feel free to use!

.

.

(though if you do, please credit the rant to drho and the icon to me? thanks!

And to my dearest Oscar, I say HA!

Although it's true, I'm a grad student, and we're notorious for believing we know everything about everything ... for thinking there's nothing left to learn. 

That being said.... I taught this week!  I actually had two classes where I was the one up in front of those greedy little minds trying to wrest them to certain conclusions and hoping to make them see why on earth they should care about adaptations.

And some of you may remember, long ago, I actually posted about Ursula Le Guin's responses to both the SciFi Miniseries about Earthsea and the Japanese film Geddo Senki.  Well, thanks to that, and to the ever inimitable Joel (who pointed me in the direction in the first place), I had things to talk about!

It has, however, been more than a week of frantic nerves and fears that while I may have had a great first lecture, was my second going to live up to it?  It all started last week, when I was intent on not only providing the class a summary of the three Earthsea books they hadn't consumed (I figured that wouldn't be fair to make them read them all), but on figuring out at least a rough draft of the things I wanted to talk about so I could share them with my mentor.  So Thursday afternoon was spent mucking about with power point, trying to give structure to my thoughts, figure out group work, and decide just what it was I wanted to say about the adaptation.

Oh, and along with this lovely week of personal fear?  Two (not one, but two) kanji tests in Classical Japanese on Friday, a fantastic Cracker show on Friday night, a Modern Japanese test Monday. a film showing Monday night.... and then I taught!  and came home, did the wrong homework for Wednesday's Mod Japanese class (so now I'm done with Monday's homework - yay) and went back and taught today! 

I'm ready to collapse.  But I think I left my class with two important questions that (hopefully) stuck in some of their heads:  1) what happens when a text from one culture (that is concerned about and has lots of discussion about race) is adapted in another culture (that doesn't tend to have those open discussions)?  AND 2) is there any obligation on the part of the adaptation to retain the moral message of the text that's being adapted?  (Neil, btw, says NO to this question... I say it's dicey).

However, no collapsing for the wicked.  We've got a dept "mixer" to go to tonight, and Neil's being a good sport and coming along so I'll definitely have someone to talk to.  Thank goodess. 

I do think this weekend I'm going to break down and goof off a bit... but we'll see.  There's that Japanese I was going to work on too...

Eye-opening adventures happend online today - I did a quick Graduate Student requirements check today and it seemed to indicate I'd completed all of my master's requirements.  Well, all but the thesis, of course.  A short stop in the East Asian Stuides Advisor's office confirmed my findings.  That's right, I'm actually DONE with every class I have to take as a master's student! 

Upshot of the conversation?  Fear, shock, joy, terror.  Now I've really got to buckle down and actually write my thesis!  I've got to talk with my advisor tomorrow about what I'm going to do for spring - theoretically I can finish my thesis in a semester but realistically I'll be at UT for another two semesters (which I knew, in concept, but ... the reality?  having it confirmed?  FAR more daunting). 

( so other things relating to this week )

After having two weeks where I really felt like I was dropping things left and right I feel like I'm finally back on track for this semester - for tonight there will be some class prep, some test grading, some reading and planning for the classes I get to teach, and some mental freaking out (hey, that doesn't have to be scheduled, but it's fun to anticipate it anyway).  Woot! :D

Classical Japanese test today.  I studied, studied, studied (with friends and on my own) and all indicators are that I did fairly well.  The studying part was fun, actually, thinking about how things conjugate and why, trying to find logic in grammar structures, and actually having a group of study friends who actually study.

So, after that?  The good news is that I stopped by our graduate advisor's office and managed to switch my modern japanese class to pass/fail because i'm already over my limit on language credits and am technically taking one of my language classes as an elective.  HUGE sigh of relief there - it's too hard to concentrate on two classes of Japanese, and this way I can still take them both but not have to kill my gpa or my brain freaking out about it.

The bad? Meeting my modern Japanese professor afterwards for an hour.  Basically the upshot of the conversation (on her side) is that I don't know Japanese very well and she doesn't think I'm going to get much out of her class, and she thinks I need to go back to Japanese 102 and start again.  The upshot from my side of the conversation?  As long as I'm learning *something*, even if I don't meet their standards, it's worth it to me (partially because it maintains my ability to be a TA).  I don't care how long it takes me, I'm going to learn the language. 

The much much better?  Having three friends who waited for me while I took my licks and faced the fearsome sensei, and then went out for fish and chips and a cider (or two?) after.  MUCH better way to end the day than a depressing conference. 

so I made it through the test from hell!

(no promises about how well I made it through, but that's the way it's going to be for the semester...)

And after the test, whereas in the past I've been completely demoralized and totally listless, yestereday I actually had the energy to get out to do errands, get started on my homework for tomorrow, get partially up to date on some emails, and generally actually felt like I had a renewed committment to getting things done.

Weird huh? 

Of course, right now, I'm totally in the mood to blow off class tomorrow and goof around tonight, but that's ok.  It's only one class.  This weekend the plan is to dye my hair red in time for my birthday, and get through as much of my homework for the week as i can so that next weekend i can ignore it all for a couple of days for my birthday.

And now?  I'm off to double check emails and get started on some classical Japanese translations.  Wish me luck!

At least not all at the same time.

I had part of a test in my Modern Japanese class (the vocab/kanji part) and a kanji quiz in my Classical Japanese - that means in total today I was expected to be able to reproduce 60 odd kanji and know the meaning of more than 150...

I don't exactly know how I'm supposed to be able to do that.  Even though about 150 of those were kanji I'd previously had in quizzes (so theoretically I had already studied for them and knew them) I still just ...

Part of me feels like I'm dropping the ball.  The other part of me feels like my brain is not functioning properly (dehydration?  too many graphics, not enough brian quizzes?  too many drugs when I was younger?  who knows?), and I want to scream.  I don't honestly know if I was set up for failure or not - I like to think my advisor would have considered having me take just one of these classes if she really knew what was going on - but there's no way I'm performing at the top of my game all the time. 

Frustratingly, the Classical homework I did last night actually didn't even apply today - we spent the day going over more poetry.  That means that the hour and a half I spent doing it last night... well, it's not time lost or anything, because we're going to talk about the next text at some point, but I could've used that for something else.  Making endless flashcards.  Something.

Tonight's plan:  grade tests for a couple of hours.  Imput test scores into grade sheet.  Review readings from Modern Japanese, make some grammar flashcards and some synonym flashcards (since that's a component of the test), then translate the practice test she gave us so I'll recognize all the directions on Wednesday.

Tomorrow?  Get to school at 9:30 or so, hand out graded tests/new group assingments/participation grades, actually go to class, grab lunch in my hour between that and my seminar, seminar away for three hours, then meet half of my Modern Japanese class for a study session from 5-7:30 pm or so.  I figure I'll be home around 8:30 pm, and then I get to spend the rest of the night working on Modern Japanese ... studying in the hopes I'll be able to get a decent grade on our first test. 

just a couple of days and I'll be through it and onto the next hurdle.  That's what I keep telling myself.

absolute hell of a week, and yet at the same time I made it through everything.  And didn't actually drop the ball, and even did my first screening of a film (Kurosawa's High and Low, which was pretty damn cool except the library copy was scratched in places and made things halt and stutter at times... but not most of the time). 

And I took a Classical Japanese test today!  Our first - the great part is that I'm actually feeling really good about this class.  The grammar that we're learning is all actually making sense for a change (instead of the way we get it in the Modern Japanese class where they tell us to do something with a verb, and make us practice until we remember it ... this is actually explaination.  And even though I suck at grammar terms, for some reason I'm able to remember the Japanese grammar terms.  Weird, I know, but I love it.

Finally, I'm actually sitting in Dallas airport waiting for a connecting flight to Sacto.  It's my dearest Mommie's birthday this weekend, and I'm going to celebrate it with her!  Apparantly there is a festival we're going to, and then out for fishy type food on Sat night.  And it's definitely cooler in California than in Austin, so I'm looking forward to that on top of all the Mommie-goodness.

When I get back home I will have a new housemate to say hi too as well!  I can't wait for that either.  I just have to figure out how to fit all the homework in somewhere.  At least I've read all the stuff for next week's film class...

Yesterday was the birthday of the handsomest man I know.  Yep, my boyfriend.  ;)

So to celebrate we went out for pizza to a little place called Frank & Angies (where you can actually get a decent wine with your pizza) and to Tiff's Treats for fresh baked cookies as dessert.  He liked all of his presents (even the one I forgot about becuase I'd bought it at a random time and shoved it in the back of the closet - only remembered it this morning), he had a good time, and there were fresh baked cookies! 

So happy birthday again darling one!  Every day of my life is happier with you in it, and every year is better when I get to spend it with you.

And if you want to see what a man looks like when his cat decides to cuddle with him on his birthday... ( check this picture out )


( and then, there was the first week of school )

but it's a good thing!

Met with my professor/advisor today - I'm also TAing the class for her this fall - and we went over the syllabus for the grad class I'm taking with her and the class I'm going to TA for her and a little bit about my master's project and talked a little bit about my course load and what class I should take this fall and OH MY GOD it's going to be a busy semester.

( you see, i'm going to be taking 3 japanese classes )

Is the moment when you have to record your skit for posterity.  The moment you realize you will be in the university archives somewhere (who knows what kind of vaults the japanese teachers keep) explaining grammar structures.

So, I'm owning my shame.

( here they are... in their downsized glory )

OH hell yes. That was exactly what I wanted in a movie.  Without spoiling it (not that there's a whole ton to spoil - if you've seen the trailers you should have a pretty good idea what the heck it's about) I have to say it met every expectation.  Beautiful, sexy, bloody, yummy. 

Apparently there have been some reviews complaining about the historical accuracy, and all I can say to those people is:  it's not a historical period piece people - it's a fantasy movie.  Of course, apparently that same reviewer was comparing 300 to Gladiator (unfavorably, I might add). They're crazy.  Gladiator was one of those big hollywood movies too.  It's not like it was historically accurate or anything.  Why can't people leave well enough alone and just have fun? 

Well, anyway, I had an absolutely delightful time - the boy bought us food, we actually got to see Joel and catch up a little while standing in line, the crowd was fabulous and hissed in all the right moments, and generally it was a damn fine movie experience.  Visually I'm half in love with everyone - women, men, heck, demi-gods.  I love the semi-glossed almost cartoon style, too.  It's better when they make the whole movie just a little bit CGI and then add in CGI'd bits -less jarring than having 100% normal film switch to the CGI action/monster. 

And I really really really want to talk about the movie, but...just go see it.  Go, pay your $9 or whatever, and have a fabulous time.  Sure, the violence is ... violent.  But they're fighting a losing battle against all the armies of the world!  There have got to be some causalities!  And sure, it's not the most intricate dialog... but ... it's beautiful!  And fun.

( And then, there's me, on spring break... and the gigantic to do list...that you don't want to read promise  )

I got accepted to my first academic conference!!  I'm freaking out.  For many reasons.  First, because when I sent my prospectus to my adviser, I also sent it to the conference committee, and then she told me she didn't think I should submit it.  EEEK.  Second, because ... it's a conference!  I'm going to be presenting to a conference!  EEEEK.  I mean, I can talk a mile a minute on many subject matters, and in this particular instance I think I'm sort of reasonably authoritative, but

holy god, i'm going to have to talk in front of my peers.

and about this:  the representation and construction of social norms, identities and relationships in film, literature and language.

Yep, that's what the conference topic is about.  My topic?  A sci-fi film that was created by an obscure religious group in order to promote their doctrine in kind of a unique way.

Oh my god.  The butterflies are killing me already.

Third, because we just had this seminar about how one shouldn't be a total conference slut.  and now i'm going to a conference!

First.... ( had breakfast with Mochi )

Second...( I printed things! )

Third...( Japanese tests are hard! )

Fourth... I came home to find out from xanzpet that I was nominated as BEST ARTIST (whoa nellie, best artist?? *does dance of sqee*) at the Solemn Graces Awards.  I have NO idea how it happened, since I wasn't even notified (so THANK YOU xanzpet you are a GOD!!) and now I'm all a-glow because this time?  it really is a damn honor to be nominated!  HEEEE!



Yep, I'm putting this monday in the win column....

It was only after I'd handed in my translation of the Japanese wikipedia article that I went over it with my tutor-friend, and discovered that I'd totally misunderstood at least two paragraphs.  On the good side, instead of doing 1000 character translation, mine was more like 2500, so perhaps I'll get points for that?  I'm just glad that I turned it in.  Five pages worth of text.  Yeah, it definitely is an accomplishment no matter how badly translated.

Our Mass and Pop Culture Theory class decided en masse that they kind of want to stage a coup from the Professor... sadly, said coup didn't actually happen today. Perhaps it will at some later point.  It's frustrating, because he's trying to cover, oh, 300 years worth of aesthetic theory by having us read the "high points." Which is great in terms of reading load, but sad in terms of actually getting a grip on some of it... although if I never have to read Adorno ever again I'll be happy --- though, come to think of it, I actually wouldn't mind reading him again, even though he has a tendency to call everything fascist, and even though he's a huge elitist, at least he's trying.  I'm beginning to be infected by my Core Readings in Japanese Studies prof because I actually want to see the good in something before I tear it apart -- like there's a whole bunch of stuff Adorno says that our Mass & Pop Prof swears is just elitist posturing, but I kinda feel like it's something else.  The guy did turn the masses into easily sedated ignorant fools, but he also pointed out some things about the production of mass culture that seem to me to be damn worth while.  Especially the stuff about mass culture actually not being produced by the masses.  And about how there are all these producers of mass culture who are constantly pushing their stuff into the gullets of the public.  And sure, that doesn't mean the public is a single homogeneous blob that just sits back and happily gobbles it up, but still, how in the heck do pop stars become pop stars if there's not something happening that's similar to what he described?

And sadly, because the Prof's position is to basically refute everything Adorno says without actually taking it item by item (he sticks with the most outrageous claims - of which there are many), I don't really know how to weave my way in and out of the theory. 

Other than that though, I studied for a Japanese vocab quiz we didn't have, asked my Japanese professor to write me a recommendation for this summer, when I'm trying to get to Japan, and she kind of agreed to do it, talked a whole bunch about Japanese grammar with my tutor, and came home.  Now all I've got to do for tomorrow is read a book called "The Anatomy of Self: The Individual Versus Society", complete my FAFSA online, and figure out how to deal with my fix-it ticket.  And watch Heroes.

I will be putting up the stuff for beegee_icontest soon, so if you guys are bored, check it in a couple of hours and vote. *makes puppy dog eyes at you in hope*

so, in good news, i got another in-state tuition deferral!  yay!  This time it was through my department, and for about $400.  But every penny counts right now, you know?

( the shorter, but still dissapointing, journey through the uni finan aid system )

Onto other things...

I have a test on Monday that I will be studying for all weekend, and meeting with my tutor on Friday about! (the tutor part is good). I called the plumber (our back toilet has not been working... hopefully it will soon).

One of my favorite college friends EVER is coming to visit next week, and taking us out to dinner on the company dime to boot!

I have nominated somewhere around 20 people who do buffy art for SFA awards!  Which means that I can feel less guilty if I self-nom.  lol.  And Dishes, I'm coming for you!  Finally, we actually have plans for a super bowl party!  I seriously do not watch the superbowl, but ... the commercials.  Who doesn't love the commercials?  And the friends are ALWAYS great to see.

the homework completed so far this weekend:

+ the japanese literary world as sociological phenomenon by eto jun.  Such a nostalgic look at the japanese literary world!  He wrote it while he was studying at princeton, talking about the weird slightly marginal space that the japanese writer occupies and how different it is from the intellectual world of the west.  But he so obviously loves that scary marginal totally removed place that he says the japanese scholar lives. 

+ chapter from Soseki's journal about living in England.  There's a real sense of frustration there - makes me want to explain to the guy that the world isn't like that, except that it is.  He kept describing people who talked down to him, checking often to see if he understood specific words like "evolution" and "folk".  They even footnoted letters to him, worried that he wouldn't understand their terminology.  And the man probably spoke more languages than they did!  All of them!  It was kind of absurd.

+ slipped, fell and i lost my heel by Yoko Tawada.  It's funny, because it oddly resonates with an email I got yesterday from a friend who's living in Germany (hi Maggie if you're reading!) whose diction has changed since the last time she wrote me.  Not much, and I suppose I was reading the email a little late at night so any changes were more pronounced, but I almost felt as if, even though she says she's not speaking a ton of German, she's getting into the mindset, constructing thoughts, truly *living* in Germany.  Language is funny like that - there are pathways the brain takes in one language that it simply doesn't in another.  Brittle and strange though my Japanese may be, I do understand that.  Like when Calynda told me that a Japanese person would never say *that* (about one sentence in my sakubun).  Someday maybe i'll be able to do that too.

+ contested visions of community in east & southeast asia by Charles Keyes, Helen Hardacre & Laurel Kendall.  I've read something else by Hardacre, in my classes for last semester, and had to go figure out what it was so I could remember if I thought she was an idiot or not.  Sadly, my 3 page paper about her book isn't that interesting, and I don't think I liked her very much... which isn't a surprise because this particular article didn't define it's terms either.  That always bugs me.  Also, didn't seem to stay on topic as well as it could.  But hey, gives me something to rail about - the fact that the article didn't really talk about contested visions of community as much as detail certain religious movements and their connection with rebellion (which is fine, but ... how does that really fit the title?  not at all, in my opinion)

also, I wonder if writing an introduction to a book with two other authors is like writing tag-fic?

+ defying disenchantment: reflections on ritual, power, and history by Jean Comaroff.  This article, on the other hand, was WAY more fun.  And way easier to agree with (or at least be interested in)!  But that's because it contends that religion isn't some backward traditional and archaic relic from the premodern, but instead is part and parcel of modernity, and everybody who's been screaming for years that it's not is kind of being just a bit blind.  Not all religion, mind you, but Comaroff contends that there are alternative religions that help bolster (or sometimes are products of) resistance to the state (and hegemony, and the like).  I liked it.

+ the cosmic egg & the origin of brama & the churning of the ocean ... three mythological origin stories from India.  Interesting, but frustrating too.  Formatting wise they're three pages long, single spaced, with the most annoying parenthetical references and footnotes on the planet.  Gah.  Sometimes I really despise this kind of academic work, because it's like the scholars can't stand not to put every variation into one single page.  Can't they all just do it like Italo Calvino did and take down each variation in it's entirety... then turn the page and write down another?  then they can be enjoyed (and talked about, if that's what you really want to do) without this endless interruption of the academic editor.

still left:

+ an undercurrent in modern japanese literature by eto jun.
+ the piece (*in japanese*) by eto jun.
+ responses to the prof on half the articles. 

not so bad, really, for saturday night.

Wow.  Is it really only Thursday?  This week has wrestled me to the ground and has me pinned, panting, and I think it's dripping sweat on me.  Or maybe some slightly less homoerotic metaphor would suit?  I'm not quite sure at this point - perhaps the week just has me in vice clamps and is sqeezing.

There is, however, light at the end of the tunnel... but it's a long way off.

Yesterday Felix had what I can only call a very rough day.  She sat curled into a fragile ball, tail tucked entirely underneath her body, and looked like she ached.  She wouldn't really acknowledge us when we went to pet her, except to move - painfully - if we pet her too much.  She didn't meow.  She just sat quietly, and from what we can tell, felt b-a-d.  We don't know if she had a feaver, or if she was allergic to the eye medication they gave her, or if the reduction of her meds (that we've been ramping her down on) made her feel bad, or if it's something else entirely and she's not doing well because of that... but whatever it is, it's been harrowing and worring and stressful and all of those 'ing adjectives that you use when your cat is older and you love her so much and you're pretty sure your vet isn't going to have any answers that help.  The light at the end of the tunnel?  Today she's better.  Neil has been the best of all caretakers, trying to get her to eat (which, today, she has, multiple times) and drink (which she also has, multiple times).  And as opposed to yesterday, where she moved if we petted her, today she ducks her head into our hands and we've both had her purr with us.  Things are ok.  To use Neil's description, though, she's 100% better than she was yesterday, but she's still miles away from where she was Tuesday (nearly 100% away from that).

So, to mention the happy things - going to the Buffy Sing-A-Long with LG & MrTwistedWhispers on Tuesday night was absolutely delightful.  Sadly my contacts crapped out as the night ended, so I was forced into yawn mode as my eyes tried to tear almost constantly, but it was worth it.  Got a B on the International Relations test (hey, I'm easy and it's summer).  Managed to make chicken quesadillas tonight (note: use cumin when seasoning the chicken.  Yummy.  Truly.)  I've done all of the reading for my 60s lit class, before class, every single day this week (thus kicking ass on the quizzes and actually appreciating the one class this summer that I like).  I got into a convo with my Prof today about other people to read, and not only did he hand me two different things to read, straight out of his grad class reader, but he also gave me half a dozen names that I'd never heard before to seek out and enjoy.

The dragged down things - I've been coordinating my employer's move and it's been ... draining.  Packing the office on Monday on my own... arriving on Tuesday to find her stressed and then going home early to study for my mid-term... unpacking the office on Wednesday, with mixed up deliveries and bizzarely dented office furniture and me having to call customer service and try not to be mean to the people who take my calls (becuase it's not their fault they work for a crappy company) but needing to get things fixed none the less... arriving today to spend another hour on the phone with the office depot furniture delivery people, still trying to keep away from the cranky, still trying to get crap done... to finally getting the damn desk and then having to put the thing together.  I have rug burn on my knees.   As for the emotional parts of it?  Eh, I won't even go into it at the moment.  Suffice it to say that's the part that's made me the most tired.

Just call me droopy.  Or dented.  Or something knocked about.  I just keep repeating "one more day, one more day, one more day, one more day"

ETA ( prof recs... for me, or others if you're interested in pomo writers )

I was worried that I'd have to take another English class because my degree audit stated that I did.  BUT, today, after some swift advising from the English dept advisor, I discovered that everything is totally fine. It was just that when I did the class/degree audit I didn't have it run right. They are going to count one of my older UCSC classes, and I really do only need 6 hrs in residence (which I will have satisfied with this summer 60s class). YAY!

The second good thing is that I stopped by the Asian Studies dept, and even though our undergrad advisor wasn't there, the Grad Advisor was and guess what she told me? They're trying to figure out a way for me to get a fellowship for Spring!!!! And if I can get one, she'll also try to figure out a way for me to get out of paying tuition! Isn't that awesome?!

However, the good news has been even handedly doled out amid slightly confusing news:  my Financial aid BILL doesn't reflect the full financial aid package I'm supposedly receiving.  It not even a case of two departments having trouble talking with each other - the info all comes from the same place!  Dammit.  Hopefully I'll have that resolved once I can get on the phone to someone. 

Also, sadly, I thought I might get out of my last course requirement for the Asian Stuides department (it showed up as being completed on that damn degree audit!) but my advisor says no, that the course on the audit isn't supposed to be credited to History.  Which means I still have to take an Asian History class, and sadly, my choices are limited to such exciting titles as History of East Asia Since 1800, Intro to Korea, Intro to China, Intro to Japan, Intro to India, Modern China, Muslim India, Partition of India, State and Society in Confucian China, and the like. NOT sexy courses.

Off to write papers on why the Moody Blues were representative of some kind of 60's ethos! Woot.

For Miss mishloran and anyone else who's midly curious...

My Statement of Purpose

One of the most interesting ways to understand how cultures interact with each other is to look at the myths they create about themselves.  Modern myths are not being shared over campfires, passed from parents to children, or spread through word of mouth.  Instead these myths are being produced in the texts of popular culture: movies, manga, and science fiction.  Mass production, reproduction, and consumption of these images and ideas occur on a global scale. Most importantly, these myths serve as commentaries – not on what the world should be, but on what it is now.

( and if that interests you... read on )

Any of you intelligent and lovely people who are (or were) in Masters/Graduate programs (particularly liberal arts) want to share your tips for writing your statement of purpose with me?  Or, if it's not to pushy, do you have a virtual copy you want to let me look at?  I promise that there's NO way we'll have similar ones (since no body but me is ever going to be studying Japanese postmodernism and Cyberpunk)... I just need to get an idea of what one should look like, and the internet has mostly MBA program statements, which do NOT help.

I've got to submit an application for Grad school by May 1st, and I've got half a dozen sentences and I'm beginning to flail.

Anything (advice, do's, dont's, etc) you've got to offer, I'd love to hear. 

*mucho hugs in advance*

throughout the day I think of these great entires - meditations on life, the universe, everything.  What do I end up with by the time I sit down at night?  This:

+ I grinned from ear to ear today - and I know why.  I'm happy.  School, home, friends, life, music, love ... everything is just good.  Despite my grousing and grouching, my whining and complaining, the world rocks.

+ Gotta savor this happy time, because soon all of this lovely peaceful fun is going down the drain.  I have 4 tests (in 4 classes) in the same week.  SAME WEEK.  And the Japanese classes actually test us twice:  oral & written exams.  ROCK.  Oh, and the week I'm doing all the tests?  The weekend before is our housewarming party.

+ We're finally having a housewarming party!  Since we've been here for 2 months, I think it's well beyond time.  Mojitos, here we come!  White russians, I will boycott you this time.

+ Neil's parents arrive on Saturday... so I've got to get all my lazy tendencies out now... or all my studying done in advance?  Something like that.  They're staying at our house for the first time EVER in the 11 years we've dated.  This will be an experience... and I know, I sound pessimistic.  I'm starting with a bad attitude so I can be pleasantly surprised when it all goes well.  Yep, that's really it.  It should be interesting since they want to help Neil putter around the house and *do* things here.  Oh, and they're willing to buy us furniture!  That makes them fabulous.

+ My little VD art project (to make wallpapers of my favorite pairings) is cut down to a snail's pace, but I'll be posting 2 Tara backgrounds soon... I don't know if I'll even GET to my favorite characters by VD since I'm going alpha order by actor! 

+ Our house is getting brushed into shape for the parental visit.  I rediscovered how much I hate cleaning the bathtub.  I really hate cleaning two.  But at least it's done now.  And I told Neil that we have to stay out of the bathrooms until his parents arrive so they don't get dirty.

(phrase gakked from mishloran - thank you lady)

+ Read The Ritual Process: Structure and Anti-Structure by Victor Turner.  Create some kind of an oral presentation on said book so I can lead my GRAD class in a three hour discussion.  Yes, I am slightly frightened, since I'm volunteered to be the first student presentation. 
+ Write my Japanese composition - 400 characters on a famous actor.  Yes, I did choose Johnny Depp.  I was hoping I'd be inspired to wax rhapsodic and would have an easy time of it.  Who knows, it could still happen!
+ More Japanese homework (I haven't really looked at it, but I'm sure there's something... oh, and the Quiz on Monday too, which is probably a grammar quiz, knowing my luck).
+ Goverment reading - how sad is it that we're basically using a highschool text book?  I know this class is one 90% of students take their first year, but ... a highschool textbook?  UGH.  The entire thing drives me nuts.  At least next week I'm going to talk to the professor about outside reading, and will probably soon be armed with a copy of the Federalist Papers, to read for the first time, as geeky as that sounds.  Because even though I'm a dilligent little monkey, and I do my reading, the whole party line of "this is the government, it's composed of three branches... " crap that comes from the book is just annoying.

Sadly, I should've started on all of this Friday, so I woudln't be stuck trying to accomplish the entire set of stuff in a day.  But I am a lazy lazy procrastiinator, and it was way more fun to have Yvette & Joel & Peter come over for movies on Friday night (and discover that our DVD player is just a little touchy with blockbuster DVDs - we probably shouldn't have been renting from blockbuster - it may have a few moral quams about supporting them - we finally had to relent and get a VHS tape out to watch.  But it was good to expose more people to Love Is A Gun anyway.)  Saturday day was spent puttering, trying to get the house a little ready for Neil's parents to come next week, and Saturday night Ariel came over with fondue and I inflicted Underworld on her (which was fun, gorey, and fun again - I really do just plain *like* that movie).  So the weekend was great fun, but a total wash on the homework side.

A brief word on Love is a Gun  (and the craptastic reviews it got on IMDB)

( there be spoilers here, but hey, you're probably never going to see this movie, so read anyway )

First week of school successfully completed! Thank god. I managed to wake up every day, even though it was about 4 hours earlier than I'm used to. It's quite possible that this Japanese class will kick my ass harder than all others before it, but we have a totally cute TA who ran us through multiple paces, so at least once I'm done learning, I'll know it well. Sadly I've two classes that, although the professors are trying not to make them horrible, are probably going to be ones I'd like to snore through: American History till 1865 and US Government. Don't the titles just fill you with dread? However, it must be done. And perhaps it won't be too hard to take the tests? That's what I'm hoping.

I had to drive my beloved to the airport today - he's gone a week, back next Saturday. I'm trying to console the kitty, currently, but it's just not the same without him here.

Part of the bad mood is probably because the world around me is dry and filled with dust and pollen, and it's made my entire head swell up like a big blob, despite the judicious use of a claratin. My eyes are cloudy, my throat burns, and after three cups of tea I'm wondering if it's not allergies but a cold. Oh, and my lungs ache. It's making for a fun night at home. Combine a weird cough, ears that sorta throb, plaintive kitty meows, and howling wind, and you get the picture. Also, though, there are simply AWFUL movies on tv, no movies in the house that I haven't watched, and me with not enough energy to go out and get myself some comfort film.

Ha. At least I can indulge in a good whine.

1.  Did well on 2/3 parts of the Japanese oral exam today.  Sadly, bombed the third part.  Heavily.  Hopefully the other two parts will counter act the utter failure on the last.  Apparantly 8 hours of studying is not quite enough.

2.  Watched Au Revoir Les Enfants today.  That was ... welll, not quite lovely, because it's a story about WWII, but kind of cool on the whole.  Sadly, the paper topics are not lovely at all.  Why do we get all of the horrible paper promts?

3.  Our house passed inspection with about $1,500 of non-critical repairs ... thank god it passed.  Sadly, we don't really have an extra $1,500 lying about, so I'm hoping our realestate agent can actually get us the  repair budget he suggested.  But no other news is good news, as far as the loan and the FHA inspection and all of that other stuff.  We're aiming for Nov 30th as a closing date.  That's going to come up FAST.  Luckily I've actually got a couple of true friends who are willing to help us move, so that rocks, whenever it happens.

4.  I've been the queen of procrastination this last week, even though I got everything done.  But 4 am is not a good time to start writing a sakubun (my japanese composition), and I recognize this.  Next week will be all about me getting homework OUT OF THE WAY FIRST, before I play with graphics.  Really.  It will.

5.  It turns out that my beloved mommie is coming for Thanksgiving for ... 15 DAYS!  This is both good and bad - slightly traumatic and partially wonderful.  It'll be good to see her, and have time to reconnect.  It's a little daunting because, although I love her and she loves me, we're both set in our ways now, and after 10 years of living apart, those ways are not always the same ways.  Sigh.

1.  My professor in my Subaltern Studies (that's the lit. theory class) wrote these exact words on my first paper for the class:  "I like the way you are both precise about understanding an argument and imaginative about reinterpreting it - a simultaneous identification and departure.  Also, your ability to begin a tracing of a difference in Chatterjee away from Gramsci is potentially brilliant."

Yes, my argument was called potentially brilliant.  On a 6 page paper.  That was supposed to be 8.  Maybe I can do this after all.

2.  Its Friday night and I haven't started my homework for next week.  That may sound silly, but I have to have Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday's homework done before the week starts in order to keep up with Tuesdays.  I have procrastinated.  I am a bad girl.  I might need to be spanked.

3.  I have no right to complain, because there are a ton of people who are having far worse weeks/months than I.  And I love you all and know you're going to make it through these things, truly.  I just wish I had more time, and could be a little more comforting than comments on lj's with hugs, or phone conversations where I talk about everything and nothing, and am a sympathetic ear whose only advice is that everybody needs time.  I will do better next week.

4. Tomorrow afternoon we go house hunting!  Finally!  We were supposed to go Wednesday, but it was called on account of our realtor's broken key/lock box.  But we're going to whirlwind through 7? 8? 10? houses.  Luckily we'll have them on video so we won't get too confused.  And sadly, it's a bigger priority than we thought, because our current lease expires in December (we knew that), and in order to switch to month-to-month we'll have to pay $100 a month in rent!  Bastards.

5.  Tomorrow night I'm dressing up (either Ren-Faire girl or Femme Fatal -- I just don't know if i have the clothes to support the last, but I will try), carving pumpkins, watching horror movies, eating popcorn, and goofing around with friends.  Cannot wait.  There will probably be pictures.  Of EVIL and SCARY pumpkins.

6.  Next week is a week full of tests.  Either getting results of them, or taking Japanese oral and written exams.  God I hate Japanese exams.  But I think I'm actually getting better at the orals.  And doesn't that just sound kinky?

7.  I think I may have broken my iconing gene.  I'm now totally drawn to backgrounds, manips, and banners.  Is it possible to break yourself of one crack-like art habit only to pick up another?  And did i just ask a totally rhetorical question?  Probably, yes, to both.

8.  The kitten, our beloved Felix, might be gaining a little weight back.  We did like Hawk suggested and put her on geriatric food, and it seems to me that she's got a little bit more heft and weft when I pick her up.  Keep your fingers crossed.  And yes, we've hidden the remote so she can't watch America's Top Model anymore and try and emulate what she sees on TV.  But she's a smart cat, so lord knows if she's got a secret stash of teen-magazines or something around telling her that she's got to be skinny.

9.  I want to start reading my birthday book on Buffy and Philosophy.  Instead I'm using my birthday Japanese-English dictionary.  Neil really did cover the bases on that set of gifts.

10.  I'm not quite sure if I can multitask anymore.  I think I used to be able to handle at least 3 IM conversations while doing work, but now I'm down to two.  See kids, this is what happens when you do too many drugs at a young age.  You stop being able to multi task.  It's BAAAAD.  But the drugs were fun. ;)

11. (because I'm contrary)  I saw the swans again on Lake Austin this week.  In the morning, when I cross over the bridge on my way to school, there is a family of swans.  The cygnets are almost all grown up now, and I'm sure they'll be heading out any day to fly to warmer climes, but I love seeing their white profiles against the blue of the river/lake when I pass.  There's something so beautiful about them it makes my day.

Once again I made it through the super-grind of my Tuesday, and who knows?  It might have all turned out alright.  You see, today was the day my Suicide in Japanese Fic paper was due, and the day for my first History of French Film mid-term, and the day for a vocab quiz in Japanese, and the day for a pop quiz in American History.

And I managed to make it through them all.  And stager, stuble, hustle my little bustle home and back in one piece.

Phew.  I'm going now.  To sleep, I think.

Has anyone read Spivak's "Can The Subaltern Speak?"?  Because I really really really do not feel like reading it tonight and I've got to have two questions on it for my professor tomorrow.  Ugh. 

The weekend of productivity:
-All of the readings for the last month of Art in the American West.
-The Last Testiment of Okitsu Yagoemon (which he wrote and then committed sepukku - and so did his dutiful wife)
-The Incident at Sakai (that has more death in it than I would've thought possible... or maybe just more gruesome descriptions?  It's making suicide a bit ludicruous at this point, because I just can't take reading the description of a second having to slash at the samurai's neck 7 TIMES and not be a little flabbergasted and slightly hysterical)
-One article on French Film
-One set of comments on the article, even though I haven't seen the movie yet.
-One short paper on Le Corbeau (that currently stands without a conclusion, but hey, I've got to have something to do on Monday, right)

And I'm seriously DONE.  Or I'd like to be.  Instead I need one more set of comments.  UGH.

I do, however, feel delighted.  Why?  Because it rained just a little today, just enough to turn the air into that soft smelling wet earth kind of lucious stuff that's fun to inhale.  And because I have burning a sexy little candle in my house (sorry Miranda, I cheated on you!) that smells of chocolate and vanilla mixed together.  And because I had friends actually visit me this weekend (ok, sure, they wanted alcohol, but hey, they stayed to hang out too).  And because my kitten, while she mews piteously for her daddy, has also clambered around on my desk, trying to be her adorable distracting self, and then fallen asleep in the pappa san behind me just so she can keep me company.  There's nothing not to like about that.

Yes!  Yes yes yes yes yes.  Today's ordeal is over.  I spoke my worst Japanese, but at least I tried.  I think they give us points for that.  The oral exam is over, the wicked witch is dead, and I've only got 3 more to finish next week!  Yay!

I end up with this heart pounding nervousness after the test - you have to speak in another language, and even though it's only 8 minutes or so, it seems like forever and ever.  And ever.  It's good that my TA is adorable, and I feel like he's on my side, even if I do maul the language in multiple ways when I answer his questions.  There's hope for me yet though, because I'm sure I'm not the worst.  Ha.  The wonder of that!

So I'm done for the day.  One 8 minute test and now it's all over.  Well, until next week, when we do the listening comprehension and the written exams.  Woot. 

The new shoes gave me nickel sized blisters on my heels by the time I got to my first class.  Then came the cramps.  In the heat.  And to compensate for the blisters I walked on tiptoe across campus, so leg cramps set in.  I hobbled/limped from class to class, finally tearing the shoes off in frustration and going barefoot.  Only to find that there are tiny bits of glass mixed in with the pebbles they use for paving in certain parts of the campus: namely the parts that I had to walk over.

At least the day is done.  And I got an A- on my French Film paper.  And most of my homework for tomorrow is done.

The good: I didn't nail my Spivak presentation, I didn't bomb it either.  Something about actually presenting complex theory makes me talk too fast.  And gods, the woman references deconstruction, semiotics, Lacanian self & other, and half a dozen other things all in a sentence.  There's NO easy way to talk about it, except in the way she did (which wasn't easy, but was at least precise).  And I know I had the professor frowning at certian points.  But I loved the article, regardless.  Even if I'd never encountered subaltern studies before, I feel like I should've read Spivak anyway.

The hilarious thing is the way the Prof talks about her.  His description:  She's a rather imposing woman at over 6 feet, who wears elegant and quite expensive saris, and is quite striking.  She's hugely invested in the community and goes back to India and Bangladesh at least once a year to teach people reading -- so it's not like she's an ivory tower intellectual who has no connection to the people she talks about.  However, she's also very much interesting in weightlifting, and she's brillant, so she makes a rather imposing figure.  And she's quick.  But she's very gentle and very passionate.

How's that for an introduction?  I mean, she's no Foucault who used to come to class in bondage, but hey, we can't all be crazy French philosophers.

Other stuff?  I got new shoes today.  I finally bought a lock for my locker, so I don't have to drag my swim stuff with me every single day.  Rock. I joined facebook and have 2 friends (yes, count them, 2) so if anyone else is on there come over and friend me... so i don't look totally pathetic.

( the bad and the whiny )

1.  It started at 9, because that's what time I had to get out of bed.  So that I could pet the kitty and kiss the boy and check the email and print out the homework and leave the house to get to school.

2.  Even though class starts at 11, I try to get there by 10 so I can lay in wait for some departing student and steal my parking place from the desperate clutches of other frantic parkers.  Every day is a new attempt, every time I pull in it's a new victory, wrenched from the grip of other drivers.  My strategy is complete though - I give rides to parking spaces, and steal them before anyone knows the student's gone.  Evil?  Not really.  Calculating?  Definitely.

3. There's nothing introspective about Japanese.  It's not critical, it's repetition.  And practice.  But I oh-so-politely asked the girls who chatter through the professor's grammar explanations to try to whisper.  Their conversations are not quite mumbled, mostly spoken, although occasinally they dip into that kind of under the breath vocalization that grates on me like nails on a chalkboard.  I will try to sit further away from them tomorrow.  They gave me the confused stare of "huh?" when I voiced my request.  I didn't wait for a reply.

4.  Ren fair!  They have Ren Fairs in Texas, and there's one going on right now ... somewhere ... about 2 hours from here.  Neil keeps telling me not to expect the same things as our Ren Fairs, but I think they're pretty much all the same.  Maybe this one will have pony rides or something, though.  We're going to try to find out where it is, and maybe go next weekend. 

5.  We laughed a lot in Suicide in Japanese Lit today.  Not nervous laughter, but the kind of thing where someone actually says something downright funny.  Oh, and Kalinda actually told the boy who sat next to me to move over, because he was sitting in her seat.  Possessive?  Perhaps.  Did I find it adorable?  Yes. 

6.  I want to say profound and interesting things in the History of French Film.  It's the kind of class that demands it right?  Quasi-pretentious, light on the theory, but heavy on the superiority of the French Cinema, taught by a woman who says "we" about the French and "you" about the Americans.  She's delightful, and utterly unapproachable.  I love it.

7.  An hour an a half for Pepe le Moko.  A movie about French gangster caught in Algiers, in the Casbah.  What's not to love?

8.  My hands cramp in the Western Art History class.  I can't help it.  It's three hours.  I despise history, and I'm not a huge fan of American art, especially American/European art that's ostensibly "defining" the West.  But it's leaking in and perverting my brain anyhow.  Notice that I capped the West?  Yeah.  There's not a ton of analysis there, just history, history and this weird nebulous enjoyment on the part of the professor about the beginnings of the American Dream.  Like anyone can realize the american dream anyway.

9.  The miles and miles and miles (or 20 minutes) it takes to get to my car are hot and humid, like the night picked me up in it's arms and wants me to float directly on the air.  Instead I have to chug my way down steps and back up other steps, moving to the beat of the shuffle I caved and bought myself because I developed technology envy when Neil got his ipod for his birthday.  It's probably the best invention I've ever bought - I might actually like music this way.  So I end up walking, huffing and puffing my little chunky way across the campus in the dark, when it's deserted and left to those who decide they can't stand the air conditioned dorms, but basically quiet and empty compared to the landscape of day.  The present I give myself is the car ride home, when I put the shuffle down and turn the radio up, and leave the windows open and try to make all the lights on the drive back.

10.  Now I sit in front of the computer, burned and a bit breathless, after making my way through 100 or so posts (damn you LJ people post a lot!) and realize I've got more homework due for tomorrow that I don't want to touch.  It's coming up on midnight here.  Time for a smoke.  Time for a break.  Then ... the deluge.

Finally settling back into school, I think.  My schedule's sorted - Gypsy Language & Culture will have to survive without me.  Instead I'm all about Power and Resistance in South East Asia.  Not that it's a class where I can be a slouch, but at least I don't have to learn the language along with the research papers.  I can't believe I've finished my homework, though.  I have one article left that I'm saving to read during my down time tomorrow, and then I'm home free.

Sadly, I have no profound revelations.  No wisdom.  It's the beginning of the semester, which means my brain feels as if it's being opened, new information slowly seeping in. 

give me a couple of months, and then the wisdom will be at my fingertips.  And I'll write interesting posts.

 I don't think I consciously realized this when I signed up for classes.

I'm taking 3 (or possiblly 4) writing intensive classes.  One of those is a history of Romani, where we actually learn Romani, in addition to writing papers.  One is the history of French Film, which includes film screenings every Tuesday.  One is the visual history of the American West (up to 1880) that hasn't met yet, because it's a 3 hr lecture from 7 - 10 pm every Tuesday.  The other is Suicide in Janese literature, and I may actually feel closer kinship with those authors in the near future.

The one class that isn't a writing class?  2nd Year Japanese.  You know, just, um, because, it's my major.

Translation: What the hell was I thinking?

Ow.  I may not be around much any more.  At least not for a couple of months.  I'm almost afraid this course schedule will make Summer look easy.  And on Tuesdays I'm in class from 11 am - 10 pm.  With a half an hour break at noon.

At least every class is actually *interesting* as hell.

Did I mention I'm done?

Oh, and ... I'm done!

I finished my Japanese I final this morning.  I will (hopefully, as long as I didn't bomb the final) get a B in the class.  And best of all?  For the rest of the afternoon and the whole of tomorrow - I'M DONE!  No more homework, no more workbooks, no more flashcards.

I do, however, start it all up again on Monday, with Japanese II, for another five weeks.  But I'm trying to just revel in the fact that I have a day and a half with nothing on the horizon but a Terry Pratchett book, a cute boyfriend, and the prospect of seeing a movie tonight.

Well, I didn't fail the written. Got a B. A stretching just over the top of 80% (by a couple of decimal points) B. We don't have results back from the oral exam, although I bombed it. Most of the time I'm fearless - I'll be the first one to speak up during class, I can stand in front of crowds all day, I have absolutely no problem with chalkboards, but occasionally... Occasionally I get the shaky, heart pounding, stomach churning reaction that means my ears shut up and my lips stutter.

Not a great place to be when I'm trying to pass an oral exam where I have to complete an exchange with my professor. Sadly, even on things that I knew (because I'd practiced the exchanges with Neil for almost an hour, then went and worked with someone else later) the night before, I blanked when she asked. More than once. More like often.

I was filled with dread yesterday - now it's tempered into a kind of resignation. If it was during the school year I'd be able to find a tutor to work with (great idea miss M - just unf. they're all gone for the summer). It's summer though, and tutors, like most of the student body, are probably countries away drinking hard and parting their asses off until they have to come back in fall. All this just means more practice for me, when I'm less inclined to do so because my performance is suffering. Yes, I know, it's a negative cycle.

And I'm on my own ... Neil's flown his fancy way to Vegas for the weekend, then LA for the rest of the week, so there's no excuse for not studying. (not that there was before, but ... I'm lazy. He always seems to find the best tv.)

The good part: only 1 more midterm and the final to go. The scary part: once I'm done with that, Japanese II, the *harder* class, starts the Monday after.

( Well, the good parts: )

( The ... iffy parts ... )